Thirty

I thought I would be
Glamorous
Famous
Pretty, slim and popular

I thought I would be
Living on hot sand
Speaking words unknown
Sipping drinks of neon colours

I Thought I would be
A famous writer
Mingling and weaving through fame
People drinking my words
From the page

I thought I would be
My own person, my own voice
Unrestricted by reins of life
Free spirit

I am none of these things

I am a professional
A Nightingale
Singing my song in the dark
I am a mother
Lit up like a candle
by a little smile

I write my thoughts on a screen
I write my heart into empty space
I am tied to the mundane
Of life; Like all of us
I am fat
I am unkempt
I am dying to break out of this shell
I am thirty

Emily 2013

10 thoughts on “Thirty

  1. stephaniearsoska

    This is a raw piece, it touched me and I can relate to much of it. Those childhood dreams that seem so certain that get eaten away by the day to day realties of life.

    Keep sharing your words, you are not singing in the dark, we are listening and shining a wee torch in your direction.

    Reply
  2. judithkingston

    Beautiful beautiful words. So well put. To write this eloquently that you are currently not a writer is a complete contradiction!! But i know what you mean. I had similar dreams of who I would be at thirty – but I had never imagined being a mother and that actually was a wonderful surprising thing for me at thirty. It is perhaps not glamorous, but glamour is empty, it is a shell, and it means absolutely nothing. Drink some neon cocktails and I hope they will help you to see 30 in a more positive light!

    Reply
  3. Pingback: Time to redefine motherhood? | Beautiful Misbehaviour

  4. Victoria Welton (@VicWelton)

    I have to say that when I turned 30 I had a really difficult time accepting it. 6 months later I suddenly realised I had some of the best years of my life ahead of me. I changed my career and so many things happened to me during my 30s that made me into the person I am now. I hope that the same happens for you. I’m sorry I didn’t say it yesterday, but Happy Birthday. A poem which my 30 year old self completely understands. Thank you for linking to Prose for Thought lovely xx

    Reply

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