Goodbye Granny Pants

When I was pregnant and I was told that I had to buy some massive pants for after the birth, I was half amazed and half disgusted that I had to buy some Granny Pants. 

They looked bloody HUGE.

I couldn’t find any to start with. I just needed some non fancy everyday kind of granny pants. I didn’t even think I’d wear them. In the end I went to BHS and bought about 5 in varying dark colours. One thing I noticed about pregnancy was that every book I read and everyone I spoke to talked in hushed tones about wearing dark clothes and using dark towels and dark granny pants. I couldn’t imagine wearing them at all.  In BHS, I hunched my shoulders, trying to shield my face in case anyone I knew saw me in BHS and then, buying Granny Pants. It was an ordeal. 

2.5 years later…..

I am wearing the same granny pants. The granny pants moved in and they never moved out. I found the Granny Pants to be quite comfy, actually. Reassuringly secure, if you will. They held everything that was starting to flop down quite well. They also hid the bushy nightmare that was my bikini line.


But I am 32 years old, not 92. I really should wear some non Granny Pants for a bit, right? Something that may make me feel a little more Giselle rather than Granny. I realised one day that I had given up on my pants. I had become accustomed to pants that came up to my belly button. They didn’t exactly make my VPL look any better. Skinny jeans and Granny Pants is probably not such a good idea, in retrospect.

So I set off to look for some sparkly new pants. I felt excitement as I entered M&S (yes, I could’ve picked a sexier shop, but you know, I’m starting off gently). 

As I walked into the lingerie department, I looked around at all the pants. Loads of pants. 

And I got immediately confused.

So. Many. Pants.

What the hell was a Brazilian pair of pants? Why were these pants made of what looked like spandex? I picked up a thong, which looked menacingly floss-like. They were the same size as my daughters pants. 

My head swirled with lurid pink, and black lace and little white bows. 

Shorts, high leg, bikini, Brazilian, no VPL, short leg, French knickers, high waisted, midi, waist cincher, thong….the words meant nothing to me. 

How do you even know what knickers to wear anyway?! 

I just wanted some nice pants. Pants I could just wear and not feel like I had a piece of string up my bum.

In the end I just picked a pair that looked like it covered at least 65% of my bum. Brazilian. That’d have to do. 

I purchased my new pants and felt a nervous anticipation about wearing them. 

The next day, I examined my pants. I seemed to have picked up a pair of pants that looked like they were the wrong way round. My derrière was barely covered by a lacy back and the front was just as bad.  

I realised I needed to sort out the lady garden area pretty nifty too. A VPL was the least of my worries, at the moment I had a VBL (visible bushy leg).

But, they looked nice at least. If I breathed in. So I wore them. I spent half the day scratching my bum due to the lace and the other half trying to sit down without getting a wedgie. 

Does that happen to everyone, I wonder?

Thing is, putting on my Granny pants, I feel comfort and minimal effort is needed to just throw them on. Maybe they’re not so bad after all…..

What I’ve Read: September

I have been a bad book blogger. In that, I haven’t blogged anything booky for a really long time. I suddenly hit a reading block, and I just couldn’t budge it for a while. I didn’t read anything for a long time. Life got in the way a bit, which was a bit of a first. I also broke my kindle for a while, which really did mess up my reading schedule. I just checked and I haven’t written a review since MAY! seriously, where does the time go?! I am ready to get reading again and start reviewing books as usual. 

In 4 months I only read 3 books, which is pathetic but mostly due to the issues highlighted above, and the biggest one being my kindle broke. Anyway, here’s a super quick recap of what I have read over the Summer:

I finished reading Cesca Major’s Silent Hours, a brilliant novel based on true events set in France in World War Two. It was a great read, and has an ending which left me a little speechless. Go and read it!

The Wrong Knickers by Bryony Gordon – I really enjoyed this book, about Bryony as a young woman about London. It was so entertaining and I laughed out loud quite a bit. Many aspects reminded me of myself as I have grown up. 

First One Missing By Tammy Cohen- This is a chilling thriller set around the deaths of 4 young girls and how their families cope as the Police continue to search for their killer. A good twist at the end.

Hot Feminist by Polly Vernon I am afraid I started to read this, but I had to give up, because it was like sticking bubblegum in my eyes….I will try and return it it though.

I am currently reading:

All the Light we Cannot See – Anthony Doer

To The Lighthouse – Virginia Woolf

So this is a little catch up post but I am going to make it my misison from now on to read more and review more. So watch this space!


Why I joined the Labour Party

This month, I joined the Labour Party. It’s been a big month for memberships with over 60,000 people joining the political party. 

I am in no way an expert in politics, and I don’t pretend to be. But I know what I think, what I believe in. I feel that now is the time more than ever to start making a stand for the things I believe in.

 The general election result was gutting. I couldn’t, and still can’t understand why people voted Conservative. I voted Labour, however I also felt uneasy at Ed Miliband’s leadership of the Labour Party. I felt he had nothing new to give, didn’t appear to have much passion, and did not seem a strong opponent, so why would people want to rock the boat and take a chance on him – I can understand why people may have felt this way. I also felt after the election that I need to get more involved in politics, hold my MP to account and stand up for what I believed in. I have been doing this quietly and steadfastly, signing petitions, and emailing my MP. But still I felt the need to do more. To get involved. To bring politics into the everyday.

The more I hear of the conservatives not sticking to their election manifesto, reducing benefits for those less fortunate and increasing benefits for big businesses, the more dismayed I became. Even things that I thought would benefit me, such as 30 free hours per week childcare, which was discussed again and again at the election, won’t even be implemented until 2017. This Government promised a lot but has not delievered anything that I can see truly benefits the people who really need it in this country. 

I have dithered and debated joining the Labour Party for a long time. I decided to join when Jeremy Corbyn was elected leader. It felt like a new wave, a fresh start. Time to move forwards and remember and hold onto the core values and beliefs of Labour. I feel refreshed and energised by the things that are currently being discussed and brought forward by Labour. This is the kind of politics I understand, that I can get passionate about. 

I joined the Labour Party because I feel the party echoes my core values and beliefs regarding a more equal society, and equality for all. 

Jeremy Corbyn has set the cat amongst the pigeons in political terms. He is a completely different sort of politician to David Cameron. You can see through their terrible propaganda, such as calling Corbyn a ‘threat to national security’, that they are concerned about his influence in society. That because he speaks geuinely and honestly, that they don’t know how to react to him. The  first Prime Ministers Questions was a great example of seeing how they react to any form of change.

I like the fact that Jeremy doesn’t rise to their childishness, rising above it and focussing on what matters – the issues. He genuinely cares about the issues he talks about, and he listens to what people are telling him. He is breaking the politicial mold of recent years.

I feel the Labour Party need to get on board and work together now, here is the moment to really make some changes and progress. Compromise is essential. I was disappointed that women such as Liz Kendall chose the backbenches instead of working together with Corbyn to move the party forwards. I don’t agree with everything Corbyn says, beleieve me, but I truly believe he is a great catalyst for change. I for one feel that women in the party do need to be more present in senior roles, and I have joined the Labour Women’s Network to support their efforts. He isn’t perfect, he isn’t trying to be, but what he is doing is wiping the slate clean and moving forwards, which can only be a good thing. 

This is an exciting time in politics, and I feel motivated to stand up and have my voice heard. I am very interested to see what happens. 

Whatever your political beliefs, I hope you do the same. 

Mum Fog: Things you forget when you’re a Mum

You give birth, you don’t sleep for months, brain cells think you’ve got through it, but then the Mum Fog descends and you start to forget to do everything…..

1. Shave

You get to the swimming pool, you get into your costume and you just remember you didn’t sort out your lady garden which is growing down your legs.

2. Nail painting

Paint one lot of nails, and then  get distracted and forget to do the other hand until you only remember when you sit down at your desk at work.

3. Where you’re going

Get in the car, turn the key, set off down the road….end up anywhere because you either

a) zone out completely and don’t remember how you got there

b) panic that you’re going the wrong way because you suddenly don’t recognise anything on the route your going on (even though it is the right route and one you have done for years…)

c) whatever the day or time, you start driving to work. Or even get there, before you realise.

d) start driving and actually forget where or why you left the house

4. Names

a) Before I gave birth, people’s names easily rolled off my tongue. I knew who people were. I knew their goddanm names. Now? Well, nowadays, my brain seems to paralyse when I have to start mentioning people’s names, so now most people are referred to as: Lydia-Eleanor-Linda-Dan-John-Mary-Jane-Sarah-Sophie-Nancy.

b) Same goes for the TV. Shows I have watched for years, suddenly I don’t know anyone’s names, reducing characters to ‘Thingymebob’ ‘Whatsisname’ and ‘Him/Her/That one from The Bill’ thus making people think I don’t actually watch said programme and am making the whole thing up.

5. Reply to text messages

You send me a text, I may even read it. But then I sort of answer it in my head, or think about answering, and then Nancy starts throwing Yoghurt at the TV, and then suddenly it’s 11pm and I’ve fallen asleep dribbling on the sofa. Soz.

6. Shampoo

I’ve washed my hair once, twice,  heck sometimes I can’t remember how many times I’ve put shampoo on. But then did I use conditioner? Maybe just do it once more, just in case….

7. Wee

a) I spend my whole day asking a two year old if she needs the loo and in the process forget to actually go have a wee myself. My bladder is now made of steel, and I shall probably become incontinent very soon.

b) When I do finally open the floodgates and have a wee, I can’t do it in peace, there always being a small child wanting to share this moment with me.

8. Listening to nursery rhymes or watching Cbeebies when there’s no children

Yes, I have driven most of the way to work before I realise I’m listening to nursery rhymes, or been sat in front of the TV watching Tweenies before I realise there’s no children around. I’ve even sat staring at the blue screen after 7pm on cebeebies. For like, ages.

9. What to do with no kids around

You’ve got a baby-free night! hurrah! You go to a restaurant and sit in silence looking at each other. Or you might be in the car, and you see a postman, and you just want to shout “Oh, Look! Postman Pat!” but there’s no-one in the car who appreciates that comment.

10.  Er, I’ve forgotten what I was going to write here.



Bluestone National Park Resort Pembrokeshire Wales – #bluestoneblogger Review 

Bluestone National Park Resort is set in the beautiful Pembrokeshire National Park countryside. I was asked as part of their Bluestone Blogger programme whether I would like to experience a mid-week 4 day break with my family, and I jumped at the chance! 

Bluestone is a 2 hour car journey from my house, and so was a perfect destination for us to travel as a family with a young toddler. Bluestone is very easy to find, you basically drive along the M4 until you get to the A40, and there is clear signing to Bluestone once you get nearby. 

The weather was terrible on the day we were due to arrive. One thing I think is great is that you can arrive from 11am onwards on your check-in day and enjoy the park facilities, checking into the lodges after 4.30pm. We decided to delay our arrival however, as it was extremely wet and windy, and arrived at 4.30pm ready to check in. There was a bit of a queue on arrival and we had to wait a little while before we could get our keys, but once we had we drove into Bluestone and found our lodge.

The lodge we stayed in was within Knight’s Rest, which is a little distance away from the main Village area. We stayed in a Grassholm Lodge, which can sleep up to 8 people. It has 1 double and 3 twin rooms, and 3 bathrooms. The reason we had this lodge was because my family were due to join us but unfortunately my Dad just wasn’t well enough to travel.

The bedrooms were a great size, plenty of space to unpack and put your belongings. The lodge comes with a TV which has freeview and a DVD player. There are heating units which once they get going really heat up the place, much needed on our first rainy night! There is also free wifi which was pretty good most of the time we were there. Towels were also ready on the  beds, and the showers were fantastic and really powerful. I could have stayed in there for ages!

The lodge is well equipped with a well stocked kitchen with everything you could need such as cutlery, cups, plates, bowls and has a fridge and a freezer. There is also a dishwasher which is great. One thing we felt was that the fridge was a little small, especially for a lodge that could house up to 8 people. We had done some food shopping on the way to Bluestone, and there was plenty of cupboard space to fit everything in. I also felt that there could have been a washing machine in the property – with a toddler who goes through quite a few clothes in a day, this would have been useful! There is a laundry service available from the village, however. In the lodge you are given a bag which has some bin bags, washing up liquid and 3 dishwasher tablets as well. Its also worth remembering that all bathrooms had loo roll in but none spare, luckily we had brought some of our own anyway. 

Bluestone is a car free zone so the next day we exchanged our car for a golf buggy (which was £29 for 24 hours) and left the car in the long stay car park. The site is pretty easy to walk around however there are a few hills so you don’t absolutely need the buggy, but I felt that it made our life a bit easier, especially with carrrying bags etc.

What to do at Bluestone (with a 2 year old!):

Blue Lagoon Water Park

Nancy loved this place! It is well set out and very family friendly.  Most of the big pool is not too deep, and there is a wave machine, plus two other areas which smaller children can access – a pirate ship area with lots of showers and sprays and the nippers area which had a little bubble jaccuzi type area and other play equipment to press buttons and spray water with little rock pool area as well which toddlers could climb into which Nancy also really enjoyed. There is a river rapid type part as well in the big pool which we all went down together. There was a lot going on at Blue Lagoon and we were able to occupy Nancy for a good hour when we were there. There is also three water slides to go down as long as you are tall enough! I dared to go on one slide, and it was thrilling if a little terrifying when I hit the water at the bottom!

The Adventure Centre holds a lot of activities under one roof, probably something for all ages here! There is mini golf, bouncy castle, rock climbing and soft play, as well as some other adventurous activities aimed at adults using zip wires, as well as a circus soft play area. The main arena holds most of the activities and can appear a bit busy and noisy, but Nancy really enjoyed the soft play in here, especially the slides and the bouncy castle. We then went upstairs to the Circus room, which was a more open soft play, similar to some cafes here in Bristol, and Nancy love this. She made friends straight away with another girl and we must have spent at least an hour in there watching her play! The circus area is next to the Wild Wood Cafe which has a bar and serves food also, with a childrens show played there daily. This place is great and well equipped, if it’s a rainy day then this is a great option for all ages.


The Treehouse
is in the centre of the Village and comprises of a little play area where children can walk across wobbly bridges and net walkways, as well as little tree house areas, slide, etc. Nancy really enjoyed this and so did I running after her through tunnels!

There is also lots of activities suitable for toddlers which you can book at an additonal charge, and there is also a creche facility at Bluestone. Some activities are also unsupervised (as in you don’t need to be there with your child), giving you 3 hours to yourself. We were keen to book a session however there wasn’t a session on the day we had planned, so we weren’t able to try these. Next time however, I would book in advance and make sure we had a session!

There is so much space and beautiful views that just going for a walk through the grounds is a great adventure. We saw squirrels and rabbits as well as birds, lots to spot and talk about.

Nearby Places to Visit:

We set off for Tenby on our first morning to get a look at the sea. It didn’t take long at all to get there (under half an hour) and it was such a lovely place. Being off season the beaches were quiet, peaceful and looked beautiful. Nancy loved playing with the sand and the views were amazing. The fish and chips we ate here were really good and there was a lot of shops to have a look at.

is a small town very close to Bluestone – under 15 minute drive. They have a Museum there which was lovely (£3.50 adult, £2.00 children, 2 and under free) all about the local history and had colouring in and some dressing up costumes and toys as well – great for when it’s a rainy day! We had a look in some lovely independent shops and had lunch at a place called Peppercorn which was really nice and the food was delicous too.


Llawhaden Castle was actually a bishops residence but it is a medieval castle ruin, with beautiful views from the towers. We spent a good half an hour looking at the castle and the views. It was lovely and quiet and was so close to Bluestone (less than 10 minutes) which was great too.


We also noticed that there was a few other attractions nearby such as Folly Farm and Oakland Theme Park, I also noticed a few other castles and near Tenby are zoos and farms so ther is plenty in the area to go out and explore. 

Food and Drink

As the lodges are self-catering we were able to bring our shopping with us, and make our own breakfasts in the mornings and we also made our evening meals. As a vegetarian family (with quite a fussy veggie included!) I found the restaurants on site did not have a lot of the variety or choice which met our needs. We did try The Chippy on our first evening, but the fish and chips were a bit cold and not that amazing. We also had lunch in the Tafern, which was good ‘pub’ food (I had scampi and chips) but I did feel the menu was quite limited. The other restuarants were closed at lunch time which was a shame as we had wanted to try the Pizza in The Oaks restaurant. We tried one evening to get into The Oaks as well but it was fully booked for the time we needed. The village shop Newton’s sells the usual groceries and bits and pieces you may need and it was actually not that expensive, and there is also a bakery in the village which is great as fresh bread on holiday is a must.

Would we come back to Bluestone?

Overall, we loved our Bluestone break. It is such a lovely, relaxed place and you really do feel like you’re recharging your batteries when you are here. All the staff were lovely and friendly, and the lodge we stayed in was comfortable and met our needs as a family. There is so much to do here, that a mid-week break simply isnt long enough to fit everything in! We are really keen to come back to Bluestone again, and to try out a few more things such as the Spa and some of the children’s activities as well as explore more of the local area. I love Pembrokeshire, and having never been here before, I definitely want to visit again. 

A 4 night midweek break in September 2015 starts from around £500 – see the Bluestone website for up to date information and pricing.

I was offered a 4 night mid-week break in return for my honest review. All thoughts and opinions written here are my own.


Have you ever lost a ticket, a receipt?

Something you really wanted to keep

Have you ever held it so tight

That you thought you’d never lose it

But then it gets so familiar 

That feel between your fingers 

you don’t realise it’s not there?

It’s somewhere, floating through particles 

It still exists, it knows where it went 

You’ll never see it again.

But you know that it was real 

you can still feel the wrinkled paper in your palm.

Potty: No Training

I find it odd that we are supposed to be training our children in the art of life-long continence when in reality, I don’t have a frigging clue how to teach someone how to manage their bowels and bladders. Is there a potty training, training course for clueless parents? If so, I missed the boat.

Before I could even say ‘potty’, my girl was stripping off and weeing in the plastic thing. It was like a game of cat and mouse: Dare I talk about this phenomenon, shatter this spell which she appeared to be under?

One day turned into one week. We clung onto Pull-ups like our lives depended on it. I think we found it harder than she did. Mind you, she found wearing knickers a slight problem initially, but we seem to have gotten over that now, some 6 weeks after she threw her last nappy aside.

There are a few things I have encountered during this transition process, and I thought you’d like to hear my words of wisdom, or, er learn from my experience:

1. Kitchen Roll is your best friend

Never before had I loved some paper so much. I take it everywhere with me; it mops up accidental wees on restaurant floors, other people’s carpets and you can fashion a makeshift Pull-up pants from the really strong stuff.

2. 2.5 year olds speak loudly in toilets

My girl can’t help herself but comment on everything and everyone in the public toilets.

“She smells!”

“Is that a lady?”

“You’ve got a YUCKY BUM Mummy!!!”

Have all been uttered from her mouth.

Nothing, however, NOTHING beats the time we went into a loo in a Pub, right after an older lady, who for reasons I can’t fathom, left the toilet in a less than cleanly state.

“ARGH! POO! MUMMY! SMELLY POOOO! THE LADY DID A POO!” she screams as we walk into the toilet stall, the only one currently available. She’s hopping from foot to foot, desperate for a wee.

“Just get on the toilet!” I hiss, trying to wrench her onto the seat whilst holding my breath and trying not to breath in through my nose.

“NOOOO! MUMMY! CLEAN IT!!!!!” She cries, and in my desperation to avoid her 5th pair of knickers in a day, I do what I never thought I ever, ever would.

I grabbed the loo brush and I cleaned that old woman’s poop from the toilet. For my girl.

“HOORAY!” She shouts and jumps on the toilet, only to do the smallest wee in the history of wees.

I silently cry inside and order a large glass of red as I walk back to the table…

3. Your hands will never be cleaner

See example above. Also wiping moving bums means wee and poo ON YOUR HANDS. I scrub and scrub. Antibacterial soap is a must. As is alcohol gel. Maybe some washing up gloves…

4. Trousers are OUT

Skirts, dresses = yes. Easy access to potty and toilet, no fussing, and when you’re out in public, you can whip off the wet stuff pretty easily. I feel sorry for those who have to wear trousers for any reason. In fact, when we are indoors, I aim for the heating on and minimal clothing, in an attempt to reduce the washing pile that I only just got under control from when she was born….

5. Repetitive Speech Strain

All I do every minute of every day is ask her if she needs a wee or a poo. It takes over your life. We have come full circle, from talking to each other about her wee and poo, when she was a newborn, to talking to her about her wee and poo. You ask and ask, and the time you forget to ask, is the time that they do need one and pee all over the floor….

6. Getting excited about wee and poo

You have to be mega interested in wee and poo, OK? When your child uses the potty, you have to summon up the enthusiasm and the energy to really WHOOP WHOOP and Holla! about the amazing feat they have performed. Even when it really smells and poo is hanging from their bum and they are running around your living room. Way to go!


My go-to toddler white lies

Sometimes, a little teeny weeny white lie just makes life so much easier…..

1. If all vegetables have ‘crisps’ or ‘chips’ at the end of their name it makes them irresistible

2. Peas and sweetcorn are “sweets”. If you hand them to your child in a conspiratorial manner, sort of hesitate and say “I’m not sure you should be eating these but go on then”……it makes them even nicer 

3. Is there butter on that? Well,  that’s an interesting question. That’s just how the bread is, OK?

4. If you run out of orange juice, just tell them apple juice is like orange juice just a bit more applier

5. When they ask if everyone is asleep, you always say yes.

6. The TV shuts down at 6pm, doesn’t it?

7. You can only have one glass of water from the water dispenser at the Dentists, it’s the law. 

8.. The Peppa Pig Car Ride machine is sadly broken but you can sit in it for a minute. 

9. Peaches look a bit like pumpkins, and pumpkins are in Cinderella……so there’s a tenuous link to use

10. The police will always be called in utter crisis situations. And for emergencies there is Father Christmas. 

Thinking Slimmer: 21 Days Later…..

I have been using my slimpod for over 21 days now. It has honestly changed my outlook on good, diet and also given me a much more positive outlook on life.

On 15th July, I downloaded my slimpod and I took note of my weight: 14 stone 11lbs

Today, 14th August and I weigh:

I’ve lost lbs in 4 weeks. No diet, no stress, no guilt.

I am so proud of myself because this is something I have achieved, without a diet club or plan. I used to think the only way I could lose weight was to do things that way, but not now. I have managed to choose my meals and lose weight. 

My mindset has changed completely. I see food as fuel, something to channel me through the day rather than it being a major part of my life. When I’ve eaten my meal, I know that’s it, and I don’t need anything else. I enjoy my meals, and I make sure what I eat at every meal is something I really, really want to eat. I crave healthy foods, fruit and veg. I feel better inside and out for eating in this way.


My dependence on sugar has reduced dramatically. I haven’t had a bar of chocolate in over a month. I haven’t had sweets either. My intake of diet coke has reduced. I don’t feel the need to eat a pudding after my main meals now. I feel this is the biggest factor in my weight loss: no snacking of sweet or sugary foods, even when I am low in mood. I just don’t think about food in that way. 

Yes, it’s not all been plain sailing and this is by no means a quick fix. I have had slices of cake, a few ice creams here or there. But instead of extras I am eating these things as part of my life, my diet. I am not eating an ice cream at 4pm then snacking and eating a massive main meal later on in the day, for example. It sort of balances out. 

A lovely relaxing Sunday at the Pub

It’s a sunny day, it’s a Sunday…….better go off to the pub for a lovely Roast Dinner

Ah, Sundays. I must admit, it isn’t my favourite day of the week, mainly because I always remember I’ve run out of milk at approximately 5.13pm when most supermarkets are shut. Sundays, especially if it’s raining and I’m the only adult in the house, can be very long. There’s only so much Bing I can take, you know?  

It wasn’t always this way. I used to love a Sunday. Hungover, lounging around in my PJ’s, watching Hollyoaks omnibus and eating potato waffles. Those were the days. Anyway, I digress. One of the all time best things about Sundays are ROAST DINNERS. 

There’s nothing like your Mums roast dinner. Or your Nans.  Just thinking about them now and I start to salivate. Roast chicken, crispy roast potatoes, fluffy Yorkshire puddings, gravy oozing from the jug….heaven. 

Being a family that is two thirds vegetarian, our Sunday dinners are not the same. Sometimes they’re not even a roast. I’ve had to adapt to cooking lasagne or macaroni cheese for my Sunday dinner. We even sometimes have PIZZA, for crying out loud. We do sometimes have roast potatoes but it’s not the same. I couldn’t roast a chicken if I tried and I have no idea what to do with its giblets. It would take me 3 weeks to eat the said chicken and I’d probably have fallen over with salmonella poisoning by then.

So, where am I going with this? Ah yes. The compromise. When I am feeling at roast crisis point, my lovely partner agrees we can go for a Pub Sunday Roast. It’ll be a lovely, relaxing trip to the pub…..

We always choose a child friendly pub with a mahoosive play area outside. That’s like, rule number one. Then we play Rock Paper Scissors to see who gets to have an alcoholic drink whilst we are there. I tell my other half to book a table as it’ll be busy. He scoffs and says, nah, it’ll be alright, and we get into the car. 

Now, we always get there and the place is rammed. I say, we should’ve booked! I told you! And my other half just rolls his eyes and nervously scouts around for a table. This time, there’s loads of tables outside. Great, it’s a sunny day, kiddo can play in the play area whilst I sip my wine and watch her enjoying herself. Perfect. 
We get outside, get a table and we pick our meals. Straight away Nancy is in the thick of the action. There is a slide/climbing frame combo and it looks like one of those buses in India where people are holding on, on the outside. Except, with children. They are hanging off every available piece of toughened plastic. Except, Nancy is not on the climbing frame,nor the slide. No. She wants to play with the gate to the play area.

“NO! You can’t come in!” She shouts at the children trying to negotiate entry. I have to get up and open the gates and try to get her interested in what she should be doing. As I sit down again she starts to climb up kid mountain. It’s not long before there is another drama, a bigger kid won’t let her on the slide, and I’m up and down like a yoyo, my rosè wine warming in the blazing sunshine. 

After a quick run around the pub garden to see the pet rabbits, throwing crayons on the floor, picking up sticks and a failed escape mission, dinner is ready.

“I don’t want FISH FINGERS!” she shouts.

“But you chose fish fingers” I say. 

There starts a ten minute conversation about eating our dinner, bribing with YouTube, ice cream and saying she can go back on the slide once she has eaten her fish/chips/peas. It is a long and agonising process, as she takes a bit of precious fish we take turns to stuff our faces as quickly as we can before negotiations start again. 

Once the stress levels have returned, I can finish my drink and Nancy goes off to terrorise the other children for a bit. The sun is so hot that I am sure I’ve burnt my shoulders. As she starts to climb on TOP of the climbing frame, about 5 feet off the floor, we talk her down and make a run for it, telling her she can have a lollipop from the shop if she gets in the car.

And there we have it, a perfect relaxing Sunday…….