My Spa Day Experience – The Salt Scrub

I had never attended a spa day before so I wasn’t sure what to expect. This weekend I was on a spa day as it was for my sisters’ birthday.  Paper knickers, foil and chanting monks…..see what happened when I went for a Salt Glow treatment….

Now I must say that there is a reason why I haven’t been on a spa day before. I am scared of people, and I am a bit weird. I get anxious worrying about what will happen and what I am supposed to do. I am terribly self-conscious. I just say stupid things and do stupid things. I decided to just go for it, and just push my boundaries and have a Salt Glow Scrub treatment.

Prep

Preparation for the spa day took several hours. I had to shave my legs, my underarms and also attack my ‘bikini’ line which looked more like a ‘shorts’ line. I also had to slap on the make-up to make sure I looked good enough in all the spa day photos.

Arrival

On arrival I was disappointed we were not having prosecco, but then it was pointed out to me it was 10am and some people seem to think this is a little early to start on the bubbles. We were shown around the spa and allocated our robe and towels, obligatory uniform for a spa day.

The Robe

What do you wear under the Robe? Nothing? Underwear? Swimsuit? I chose a swimsuit.

The Salt Scrub

As I entered the room, I could hear Enya in the background. The bed was in front of me, curiously covered in a piece of foil.

“Welcome” gently breathed the therapist.

“Now if you would just change into these paper knickers, and then make yourself comfortable on the bed, then we can begin.” She handed me a small packet and then left the room.

“Oh OK! I’m wearing a swimsuit!” I said, not really sure why.

Paper knickers? I looked down into my hand, and unfolded a paper thong, one size fits all.

I haven’t worn a thong for at least 10 years. And not a paper one at that.

I looked at it for a bit to try to work out what way to put it on. I managed to get it over my hips and it just about covered my muff area. Now I realised why I was told to get rid of that ‘bikini’ area.

The bed appeared to be about 4 feet off the floor, I managed to ungracefully flop onto the bed, and onto the foil sheet, face down.

The lady then entered the room again. There was a small silence, and I wondered what was going to happen next. Then, without further ado, she started to rather vigorously slather my arms and legs in a hot oil, and then scrub the living daylights out of them.

The music changed to monks chanting.

She started to wrap me up in the foil, and then wrapped two towels around me.

“I will just leave you a moment to relax” she whispered, and slinks out the room.

I felt all cocooned, like a baby swaddled or back in the womb. I let myself drift for a moment and felt relaxed. But then I couldn’t stop thinking about a piece of chicken that was ready to roast. I also wasn’t sure when she was coming back and I was worried I was going to fart or something.

Back she comes, and starts to unwrap me. The chicken was ready.

She turns a shower on behind her, and for a moment of horror I think she is going to wash me.

“If you would like to get in the shower, and remove ALL the scrub, and I will be back in a moment”

“Er, do I wear these knickers in the shower?!” I ask, completely not understanding anything.

“Er. Well you can if you want….” She looks at me as if I am insane. I start to get off the bed, and then slip right off the foil sheet. I try and gain my composure.

I get in the shower, wash off the scrub, and manage to dry myself, put my paper knickers back on and then haul myself back on the bed for whatever else is happening.

Back in she glides, and the enya music is cranked up a notch.

She grabs my leg and we are back roughly massaging cream all over my legs. It does smell lovely.

“I shall now do the mini-facial” She announces, which is news to me as I wasn’t expecting her to touch my face.

She takes two cotton pads and gently wipes away all the make up I plastered on myself this morning. Typical.

As she is doing this, I start to become conscious of what my face must look like to her. Am I smirking? Laughing? Do I look calm and relaxed? I almost start to laugh out of nervousness and now I am aware of my face and what my mouth is doing I can’t stop smirk-laughing, Trying to look more calm and relaxed is making me look like a crazy axe murderer. My face has contorted into a strange strangled smile. I close my eyes and try to meditate, be in the moment, but then as I am thinking this I am suddenly aware that she is dabbing my face with her fingers like she’s finger painting. Dib dib dib.

Then everything stops.

There is silence apart from monks chanting. I wonder if the monks ever thought they’d be played in a room with a woman wrapped up like a chicken fillet and wearing paper pants. It’s a funny old world.

And then I hear a tiny pair of cymbals go

“ding”

“That is the end of your treatment” she coos. “And I will just go and fetch you a drink”.  I wonder if she manages to do a few spray tans in the time it takes her to pop in and out each time.

She hands me a glass of water, and tries to get me to buy all the stuff she smeared all over me today.

“I’ll think about it” I say as I sip my water, not intending to buy anything at all.

I thank her, and she leaves me to put on my clothes. I have a dilemma about the paper pants. Do I keep them on? I decide to take them off, and leave them on the bed. I feel sorry for the woman having to throw away other people’s paper pants.

And then I walk off, full of zen, and feeling relaxed, happy to have surivived a spa treatment and ready for my waiting prosecco.

Fish Fingers and Facetime Heartbreak

They told us in the most technologically advanced way they could, via Facetime. I was actually impressed. This was the only time my Mum has managed to Facetime us herself straight off.

I wonder if anyone else has used their ipads in this way. However it was the only way they could see us, virtually better than nothing at all.

As I saw their faces nervously stare back at the screen and I knew it wasn’t good.

As a nurse, I am used to bad news. I hear it, I say it. I am hardened to the cold, grey words.

But when it is personal, when it is your family, the colour and the pain sear into your heart.

Memories and thoughts flash through my mind. Some good, some bad.

I feel a sadness descend over me.

And then I have to snap out of it, and cook fish fingers and chips for my little girl, who keeps asking me what is wrong.

I sit with her and watch YouTube videos of cartoon Monkeys falling off a bed.They fall off, they get up, and they do it all over again.

She must know something is up as she has eaten all her fish finger without prompting, and I silently make a note to use this information at a later date.

I desperately want to forget about all of this. But I can’t, and it’s real.

I feel the sadness grow and spread just like the cancer that has invaded my family.

 

 

 

Plus Size for Beginners

If you’re new to Plus-Size, or just wondered what was within the flowery section at the back of the shop with this name, then this very much tongue-in-cheek guide is for you.

1. The plus-size department is seperated from the ‘normal’ clothes, usually at the top floor right at the back, segregated like it’s some sort of infectious disease.

2. You will be able to spot the Plus Size department as all the clothes are significantly bigger than the rest of the shop, clothes billowing from the racks like sails on a boat.

3. People who wear Plus Size clothes, they love slogans. They love slogans like ‘Love Yourself’ or ‘BE HAPPY” or “Life’s for Living!” emblazoned across the front.

4. Because all fat people are happy, jolly people. Our role model is Father Christmas.

5. People who wear plus size clothes, they love flowers. They wear clothes covered in ditsy prints. It’s like a plus size uniform. Any flower will do, just make sure they cover 85% of the top or trousers you are wearing. It’s like camoflage.

6. People who wear plus size love bright colours. The brighter, the better. Even better if you put multiple bright and clashing colours onto the same piece of clothing.

7. People who wear plus size must wear different clothing to the rest of the shop. You can’t get ‘normal’ clothes in the plus size, oh no. The ‘normal’ size only goes up so far and after that, you have to wear the special clothes.

8. People who wear plus size must wear an item of clothing with elastic in. It’s the law.

9. People who wear plus size have to wear wrap dresses and tunics and leggings, at least once a week.

10. People who wear plus size all have very wide feet, so need shoes that are as wide as 2 normal people’s feet.

11. Oh, and people who wear plus size love shoes, because we can buy any fecking shoe we want. Unless our feet are too wide, but we may buy them anyway just to stroke gently.

12. People who wear plus size have huge boobs. Boobs so big they can’t fit into anything but massive boulder-holding industrial strength old granny looking bras. Every single plus size person can barely stand up due to the weight of their boobage.

13. You are either in the plus size, petite or tall section of a shop. You can not ever be a combination of these things.

14. If a plus size person tries to wear skinny jeans, she will spontaneously combust.

 

Phobias and funny things about me…. 

Ok. So I guess everyone ‘s a little weird, right? I mean, we all have our little things about us, that makes us who we are. 

I don’t really know why I am writing this.

I thought it would be a crazy good idea to let you know a few fun things about me. Things that will probably make you laugh or wonder what a weirdo I am. All in the name of embracing who we are. So here goes……

 1. I am afraid of Pigeons

Pigeons are evil little diseased birds and they are out there, waiting to fly in my face and attack me. I actually scream quite loud actually, if a pigeon tries to attack me*. Trafalgar Square is a no-go.

*limps with it’s diseased legs into my field of vision

2. I can’t chew baked beans

This comes from a long manifested issue where my Mum would make us finish our plates before we could leave the table. So I, erm, used to just swallow down baked beans whole,because I hated the texture and just couldn’t chew them. I still do this now. I didn’t realise this was weird for a long time….

3. I am scared of talking on the phone

It all started with a well meaning phone  call to the dogs trust when I was about 12. I had just watched their advert on TV asking for £1 a week donations. I wanted to give them some of my pocket money. However, their hard sales pressure telephone manner and their constant ringing on the house phone, and the fact my mum made me talk to them every time they called, has had a profound effect on my ability to make telephone calls ever since.

4. I love salad cream on my baked beans (that I don’t chew….I know….weirdo)

Don’t judge until you’ve tried it, right? It’s best with a jacket potato in my opinion……

5. One for the….what?

I used to think that Baa Baa black sheep gave a bag of wool to the Day. Not Dame. To my shame I only realised this about two years ago…..

6. I have a funny laugh

People have remarked I sound like Frank Bruno…..

7. I do a weird flappy hands thing when I’m nervous 

Yes. I do. So if you see me do it, just nudge me OK, coz I HATE doing it but I don’t realise I’m doing it.

What weird and wonderful things do you do? I’d love to know. Mainly to make me feel less weird……

8 truths about nursery

For anyone not aquainted with a nursery, these 8 truths may help you to fit right in when your child starts….

1. You can never just ‘drop off’ your child….it takes at least 10 minutes and even then you have to crowbar your child off your leg

2. On that point, I break my neck to get there as close to opening time as possible, press the buzzer….and I wait and wait. Be prepated to wait for ages, holding a wrigging toddler and having to remember the password. “SOMEONE LET ME IN!” I want to scream in the frenzy of the morning chaos. I should’ve made that the password, thinking about it…

3. They will always, always get covered in mud, paint,water,  and have lasagne in their hair. There is absolutely no point in dressing up all pretty as they will be in spare clothes within about 10 minutes of arriving.

4. What do they eat? Who knows. If they ate half a veggie roast, what does that equate to exactly? She won’t eat salad without screaming blue murder at home, but you tell me she eats SECONDS? When they write ‘beef lasagne’ then cross that out and put ‘veggie lasagne’, what did she really eat, hmmm?

5. You will always get conned into buying their professional photos….yes I too said I wouldn’t ever bother but oh! the pressure. Oh and I always forget that it is photo day and it’s just pot luck if she’s wearing something suitable…

6. Keep all spare change for charity money that you will have to give to nursery as part of red nose day/children in need/hug a tree day etc.

7. Be prepared to empty your recycling bin and hand this over to nursery for various art and crafts projects. I buy Waitrose milk just so I can look good when I hand over the empty cartons.

8. Get ready to wow the nursery with your child’s fancy dress outfits. Book Day fills me with fear. Luckily this year she wasn’t well and so we didn’t have to do a bodge job with a bin bag and some tin foil. 

How do you do it? The Life of a (full-time) Working Mum

One of those questions which makes you wonder why they’ve asked it….

 

Recently I have had a similar conversation with several people at work. They ask me how I am doing, I usually say busy, and tired, they ask me how many days I work, I say all of them, and they say 

“Oh! I don’t know how you do it”

Now, each to their own. I don’t really think how, when or why someone works is really something to comment on. But, why ask me how do I do it?

What sort of question is that?

When the comment is said, a few thoughts run through my mind.

Do they mean, How do I do it? because I must be such a cruel Mother to go to work?

Do they mean, How do I do it? because I must be a super organised and amazing mother/worker

Do they mean, How do I do it? because they have no idea how you fit in parenting and a full time job?

Do they mean, How do I do it? As I must be feeling so guilty for leaving my little girl each day?

The answer is, I DON’T KNOW how I do it. I just do it. I have to do it.

I started working full time again in January, I have now had 6 months of working Mon-Fri, 9am-5pm. It’s hard. I miss my day I used to have off with Nancy. I feel tired a lot of the time. But, I am doing this for all the right reasons.

Money

I am doing this, as working full time means I get more money, obviously. This means I can afford to by Nancy nice things. It also means that her Dad can reduce his hours, and we still have about the same family income.

Career Development

I am doing this as at the moment, I am doing some really interesting stuff and it is all part of my career progession and development. This is stuff I haven’t had opportunity to do before.

Enjoyment

I am doing this because I, on the whole, enjoy my job. I don’t mind going to work. Sure, I’d love to just be at home with Nancy, but I do love my job and my vocation.

To Make a Difference

I go to work to make a difference to the people I work with.  I support people with a learning disability to have better health outcomes and more independence in their lives. It’s a rewarding and fulfilling role to have.

So, How do I do it? 

I go to work, and I don’t feel guilty. I feel me. I feel like myself again. I don’t feel a cruel and horrible mother because I know that Nancy is enjoying nursery a lot, and she also has a great time with her Dad and other relatives when I’m not around. Some days are better than others, certainly. There are times when I am super organised and I feel on top of everything. There are days when I get up and look around the place and I think a bombs gone off. There are days I wonder what’s the point? Why have I done this to myself? But most of all, I feel that this is my life, my choice. I don’t really compare or think about how others are living their lives right at this moment. I accept that everyone has a different way of doing things, and some of that may involve working, or not.

Most days start with me getting up around 7am. I have a five* minute sit down with my cup of tea and my ipad, and then I have to get Nancy ready, me ready and out the door. There are days when I have to drop Nancy at Nursery, my partner at work and then get to work. I work 9am-5pm, then get home, some days have to pick Nancy up first, sometimes have to get my partner too, then home. Sometimes I also have to go food shopping after work too. Then its Nancy’s dinner, bath, bedtime stories, seeing Nancy off to sleep and then I can eat my dinner, watch TV, or do something else like Read or Blog. Before I go to bed we have to do the dishwasher. Sometimes I also do the clothes washing then hang them out before I go to work. I try my best to cook meals but some weeks we do go for a takeaway one night a week.

My weekends are my time off, but my partner works every other weekend. That means two weekends a month when we can spend time together as a family, and two where I look after Nancy for 12 hours a day, usually on my own. I take her to see my parents, we may go shopping, but usually we don’t have the car and I find these weekends the hardest. No car means it is doubly hard to find the motivation to leave the house and do something to make the day go quicker. I love my weekends with Nancy, though, because they are my time, and I do try and make the most of my time with her. Having cuddles on the sofa or goin to the park are simple pleasures that I appreicate more now I am at work.

I think my biggest issue with the question How do you do it? Is that people feel they can say these things to you. Maybe they mean it as a compliment, but to me it is questioning my commitment to my family as well as my job. Maybe people can’t believe I would choose my job over my child – not that I have, but I think people think that by going to work full time, this is what you are doing. I feel proud of myself for what I have achieved these last 6 months. No decision or life choice is ever easy, but I feel I have accepted and come to terms with my life and how I live it. Yes I get the sunday night blues, we all do, but when I drop Nancy off at Nursery I don’t feel dread, or guilt, I feel…happy. Happy for Nancy that she gets to make friends and have adventures, happy for me to be doing I job I (most of the time) enjoy, Happy because I get to have some time to myself, Happy because my life is going in the right direction, and Happy because, well, you have got to be happy with what you’ve got and make the most of things, don’t you?

That’s How I do it.


Stress eating – a poem

Costa Skinny Latte and a Full fat Muffin

A fruity flapjack fits the Bill and I’m not bluffing

a diet coke or two and a rich tea if it is there

by the time the birthday cakes arrived

I’m starting not to care
you have to pay on debit card £3 is the aim

so grab a kitkat chunky and a double decker to your shame

you know you are in trouble when you have crumbs upon your desk

wrappers piling higher than paperwork that you detest
you consider eating the alpen bar that’s been in your bag a week

when someone asks whos eaten their crisps you turn and do not speak

your diet coke consumption has gone right through the roof

you empty your own desk bin so that you can hide the proof
but when its gets to crunch time, a twix will do the job

at least when you have your mouth full, you do not swear or lob

It really takes the biscuit, when you’re pushed to the extreme 

To have to choose a rich tea as there are no custard creams
You’re on the hit list for the tea fund, as you haven’t paid

But you have consumed their doughnuts and a cake that Mary made

Some people may do yoga, peace and calm, may meditate

But stress eating is the thing that I just have to contemplate

I’m Going to Britmums Live 2015

I will be joining hundreds of other bloggers on June 19th for the 2 day blogging conference of the year, Britmums Live! It is a fabulous occasion to meet other bloggers , brands and to learn a bit more about how to have a fab blog. So if you want to find out a bit more about me, see below! 


Name Emily G

  
Blog: Tealady Mumbles (er, this one!)

Twitter ID @ladyemsy

Height 5’4 (ish)

Hair Brown with flecks of grey

Eyes Blue

Is this your first blogging conference? 

No, I’ve been to 2 other Britmums, Mumsnet Blogfest, Tots Blog Camp, Blog On Cymru, lots!

Are you attending both days? Yes indeed I am. I am sharing a room with Jess from Mrs Helicopter Writes.

What are you most looking forward to at BritMums Live 2015?

I am looking forward to this Britmums as I feel like I finally am happy with me, my blog and everything else. I am happy with where I am in blogging, I don’t need to be in any niche, I just love writing and I am looking forward to learning more about the craft of writing. Last year I have to say I didn’t enjoy Britmums all that much due to various reasons, and nearly didn’t come this year, but then I went to Blog On Cymru, became re-inspired with my blog, met Jess and that was it, I was coming!

I am looking forward this year to meeting lots of new people, lots of blogs I have only recently discovered, and also making some new bloggy friends. I’d also like to meet some bloggers I only met briefly last year.  I am also keen to learn more about how to make my blog look pretty. 

Oh and I am very excited as I will be reading one of my posts in the Blogger’s Keynote! So please laugh when it’s supposed to be funny and please cheer me on as I am bricking it slightly! 

If you see me, please say hello. I am terrible at small talk but I am a friendly soul! 

What are you wearing? 

I am not sure. I have bought some dresses, so one of those will likely be worn. I also have some trendy ripped jeans so I guess I should get those out as well!

I need to find myself something to wear for my Blogger’s Keynote too…something that will instantly make me look 2 dress sizes smaller and possibly withold any wee I may emit in my nervousness….

What do you hope to gain from BritMums Live 2015?

Friends, new information on how to make my blog amazing, positivity. Happy times. Maybe some exciting opportunities!

Do you have any tips to pass on to others who may not have been before?

– Wear layers as it can get very hot in there

– eat lunch or something before you go, as I was starving and then you get free drinks and then….carnage

– Make sure you have enough room in your suitcase for the goody bag, it can be very heavy!

– bring a bit of cash if you want to buy any books and get them signed

– smile! talk to everyone you see, and just have a great time.

I look forward to seeing you at Britmums!

Fathers Day Gift Ideas with Truprint #TruprintDads

Truprint have a lot of great ideas for Fathers Day Gifts. I was lucky to be asked by Truprint to try out some of their gift ideas. Take a look at the whole Father’s Day Gift selection here

I wanted to do something with Nancy to make this Father’s Day Special for her Dad. This year has been a bit of a stressful one, and I want to make sure he has a lovely day this year.

There are a lot of lovely gifts on the Truprint website. Using your own photos, you can put together lots of personalised items such as mugs, posters and canvas prints.

As Dan is a big tea fan (like me!) I decided that a personalised mug from Nancy would be a fab idea. It was easy to upload photos and to choose which ones to put on the mug. We added some text and chose the colour for the background.

  
The mug is great and the photos are printed to a high standard. I am very pleased with the overall look and finish of the product. 

To go with his mug, we also chose photos to go on some coasters. Again this was very easy to do, once you have uploaded your photos to Truprint you can just pick them from your online album, so it didn’t take long to make the coasters. 

The coasters are lovely and the photos are really good, they look really shiny and vibrant. The coasters are a good quality and look sturdy and not cheap. 

  
We added some chocolate and of course teabags to the cup before we wrapped it too. Nancy enjoyed putting these in the cup and added a little surprise! 

I also chose a sheet of stickers for Nancy to use to make some wrapping paper! The stickers were again easy to use. I would have liked an option to have a sheet of a selection of photos rather than just one type of sticker, but I am thrilled with how they turned out.  The stickers were printed well, and were a good size. 

Delivery of the products were super quick too which was fab.

To make our wrapping paper, I utilised Nancy’s easel which she had for her birthday (it’s from Ikea). This has a roll of paper on it which is just perfect to make wrapping paper! We got out our stickers, and coloured pens and crayons and got to work. 

  
It was so much fun and the personalised stickers just add that little bit of loveliness – he won’t want to unwrap his presents!

  
Get up to £30 off your Father’s Day order if you use the code LOVEMYDAD on the Truprint website. 

Terms and Conditions:


Code LOVEMYDAD gives £10 discount on order £20-£49.99 and £30 discount on orders £50 or more

Minimum spend does not include P&P charges

Offer is valid until midnight 15th June 2015.

Offer is valid for single use during the promotional period and to customers residing in the UK on Truprint.co.uk only.

P&P charges will apply

Offer cannot be used in conjunction with any other offer or on pre-paid prints.

Please allow an additional 1-2 delivery days during this promotional period. 

We were sent some Fathers Day gifts from Truprint in order to undertake this review. All thoughts and opinions are my own. 

Questions I often ask myself now that I’m a Mum

Questions that go around and around in my head now that I’m a Mum. Can you add any to the list? Let me know! 
How long can I leave her staring at that stranger sitting behind us before it gets uncomfortable? 

Can they tell that she’s just wet through her nappy and now it’s all over me?

Where’s a baby change? Can I get away with changing her nappy here?

Did she just swear? 

If I cut this sandwich into the shape of a horse will she eat it? 

What am I doing?

Do I have enough nappies? Wipes? Change of clothing? Juice? Toys?

Can I bear to listen to If You’re Happy and You Know it again?

Is she going to hit him/her?

When will she go to sleep? Will she go to sleep? What if she is awake ALL NIGHT?

How does that Mum get her kid to stay in the trolley?

When did I stop caring about the stains on my carpet?

Did I just fall asleep?

Why are people so fricking LOUD?

Is it normal for her to stick pretend money down her nappy?

Is it bad that she doesn’t drink water? Unless it’s bath water?

When did I stop wearing proper (not pyjamas) trousers? 

When did I last shave my legs? This year???

Has she eaten enough?

Is she teething or just miserable?

Is it too early to drink Gin?